I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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