DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
