i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
