I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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