I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
