also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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