I wannas sexs uuuuu
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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