Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
