TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
