At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
