I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
