So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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