I seem to have left my pride at pride
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
