I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
