A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
