i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I believe in your delicious
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
