Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
