That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
