My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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