why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
