I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
