just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
