my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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