my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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