Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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