Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
