I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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