I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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