At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
