Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
