brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just blew my weed a kiss
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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