he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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