He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
