Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
