i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
