my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The ass gains better be worth it
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