so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
pop tarts are not kleenex
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
