No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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