just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
