So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
