Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
All I want is dick and wine.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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