It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
