I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
