1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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