first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
