remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
