There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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