I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
