apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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