apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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