dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
