I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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