The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
