I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
