I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
