The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
