Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
