If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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