I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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